I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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