my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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