Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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