Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
