i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
