Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
