This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Rumble strips road head = magical
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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