you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
