problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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