Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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