just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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