I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize