I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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