mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
