90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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