He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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