I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
