I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
