Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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