she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
