At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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