i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
