Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
