I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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