This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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