Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
