btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
