What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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