I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
