Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
