U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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