I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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