YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
