After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
