I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
