Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
