official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
