I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
