um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
