Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize