All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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