Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
