i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
