My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
