I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
