What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
