I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
pray to the hookup gods
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
