...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
