physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
