My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
