you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
