Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
