Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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