If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
