I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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