That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
