I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize