On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
this hospital has no fireball
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
