I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
