I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
