so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
