Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
