we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
